Cleaned out my closet!

Well I know I stepped away from my blog for a minute but at least I came back before the end of the year! :-)

Anyhow, my current weight is 209 which is much progress because between May and two weeks ago my highest weight was actually 217!!! So yayayayayay me!!!

Anyhow, I cleaned out my closet of all my old clothes and my incentive to keep it moving with this weight loss is to go on a shopping spree for an all new wardrobe!!! I so cant wait!

Its been so longgggggg!!!!

I'm fat... fell off the wagon.

Will get back on tomorrow... must work out!

I ate pretty well today... I think Im just gonna take it one day at a time!

Where do I begin?

I hope that I don't end up being single for the rest of my life. I went to the bookstore and in this gigantic store it seemed that all the books in the store - in every section mind you - had to do with finding a man, keeping one, getting to know God while you're waiting for one, how to cook for one... and don't get me started on what these books say!! "Men like the smell of vanilla, men like nails that are manicured but natural, men like boobs and accentuate yours, men like godly women who can tear it down in the bed... ALL KINDS OF RIDICULOUS CRAZINESS IS IN THESE BOOKS!!!

Hmmm maybe men dont like women who read this non-sense??!! I swear I went to an all new low because I bought that Steve Harvey book. As soon as I bought it I started judging myself. I was almost ashamed to buy it... I brought it to the counter faced down! I felt like a big red "desperate woman" sign was gonna start flashing as soon as the cashier turned it over! "Look guys!! Its another woman that cant get a man!!" (followed by lots of laughing and pointing). I was seriously nervous... I hurried up and put my card in that machine, took my bag, held it close to my chest and ran out of there so fast.

In the car, all the men I've ever been with in any way flashed through my mind and all the things that happened to end those relationships soon followed. I asked myself was there anything that I could have done differently to get to a better place with them? If I would not have said this or if I wouldnt have done that or if I would have ignored this, if I dressed like this or wore my hair like that etc. This was all soon followed by Would I want to be in a better place with them? HELL NO!

All I want is for somebody to love me. On a nice rainy Saturday, we can sit around and catch up on our favorite tv shows together. Share our day's problems with each other cuz at the end of the day he knows that he has me and I have him. "Someone to kisssss, someone to misssss when you're away!! To be loveeeeeedddd!!! Tooo be lovvveeedddd!!! OHHHHHHH!! What a feeling!! To be loveeeeddd!!" lol "yes yes f u too!!" Ahhh I love that movie.

But with that being said, I cant settle for any man either. I need a man that can understand that I have a hectic life and I need space more often than not... and that means that I need to have a few days out of the week to do my own thing. We'll see how that turns out lol. So far, its not goin 2 good. So after that horrible experience purchasing that book, I enter into my late twenties fighting yet another insecurity that has come to light... *sigh*

I'm is sick..

My head feels like its about to explode!!

I came home from work and instantly fell asleep.. now its 2 in the morning and I'm miserably awake and I cant get back to sleep.. its a wonder how many of my friends are up at this ungodly hour... I guess I shouldn't complain because my poor friend Jason is up driving all over the country making deliveries.

With all my suffering, I haven't put much thought into the Lenten season. I am Catholic so I need to begin my fast like ASAP. But instead of giving up things that wont necessarily change much about my life or my contribution to society according to God's will, I am thinking about adding something in to my life.

Me and my boss were joking about me coming in to work on time every day for Lent or going to work out one morning for Lent but I need to be doing something that's going to help me grow closer to God. So, I am going to devote a portion of my lunch time to quiet prayer and reflection as I seek out God's guidance and direction in my life so that He may be able to have every opportunity to use me as He sees fit. My heart and mind needs to stay tuned to him... this would be a good way to cut out or deflect any distractions that might come my way!

Well, this post turned out to be pretty productive. My weight loss on the other hand has not been. Over the course of Mardi Gras, I gained 2.6 lbs so I have some serious catch up to do if I'm going to stick to my goals... All is not lost though. I am going to be having a very healthy omelet for breakfast and for lunch, a salad and sandwich. I am going to ease back into planning my meals so that I am not taking in more than 1400 calories (my diet planner said 1600 but I really think thats too much). And then whenever I get over these horrible sneezing bouts, I'll get back in the gym and sweat off my frustrations (which I definitely have some major ones now lol).

I just called to wish you a Happy Valentienes Day...

For the first time in I dunno, like almost 10 years, somebody - other than my mom - thought about me on Valentines day. The funny thing is, he didn't give me a gift... I'm just happy that he called to wish me a happy V Day. It's so sad! I know, but hey, it is what it is... lol

One day, I'm gonna have a nice stable relationship where we can treat every day like Valentines day. Hopefully, its not in my dreams lol... Anyhow, until then, I'll just keep working out and trying to reach my other goals... we'll see what happens in 2009. I keep u posted!

At any rate, I hope everybody enjoys their day today and spread some love to those folks who might not be expecting anything today.

A Rainbow in My Cloud!

I want to go out tonight... but I am so0o0o0o tired. Tonight I got to see Maya Angelou speak. I didnt realize that she is 80 years old! She is an amazing woman. And very funny! She had us cracking up laughing. She sat up on the stage and told us all kinds of stories from her life. Her main theme was about being a rainbow in somebody's cloud. She said that she had an uncle who was crippled and he did not like to travel much because he was ashamed of his disability so he stayed in his small town in Arkansas. He taught her her multiplication tables by holding her by her neck over the pot belly stove.

Years later, her uncle passed away and she went to settle his estate and she met a man in Little Rock who wanted to meet her. This man told her that whatever she wanted to help her settle her estate (including a Lawyer) he could arrange for it to happen. He said that he knew her uncle because he grew up in that small town and her uncle gave him a job in his store and paid him 10 cents a day and that kept him off the streets. He also mentioned that Willie had even taught him his multiplication tables too. He credited his entire life's successes to what Uncle Willie had done in his life as a child. He was the mayor of Little Rock Arkansas and one of the first black mayors in the country at the time.

Little did Uncle Willie know who that child would grow up to be... little did he realize that by touching that child's life, he was touching many many more lives. Uncle Willie had been a rainbow in his cloud. So, with that being said, I've been thinking of all the rainbows in my cloud. My friends, my family, mentors, teachers... All the people who believed in me even when I had no clue. Its so many people who I'm sure dont realize they touched my life.. I am extremely blessed, and I thank God for that. Thank you Lord for the beautiful rainbow you created with all the different colors who represent the most important people in my life. I pray that I can be a rainbow in someone else's cloud. That's what we should all strive for... so I leave you today to ponder about your rainbow.. And even more importantly, how can you be a rainbow in someone else's cloud?

Good News Today!!

So last week I got a call from my doctor saying I needed to come in and get a biopsy done on my cervix because I had an abnormal pap. My appointment was today :-(. It was awful but I would rather her catch whatever this is early than to be a few years down the line with some sort of cancer. She did my blood work and everything else was fine. WHEW!! I always get so worried about having some rare illness that 1 in 1trillion people get. Well, I am perfectly fine except for the pap situation which is extremely good news.

Well a part of the routine is to check blood pressure and weight before I get seen by the doctor and guess what!! I LOST 5 LBS!!!!!!!!!! So since my last visit (about 3 weeks ago) I had gone from 212 to 207. I am so0o0o0o excited about that! This is some serious motivation to keep going to where I'm trying to go... All I have is like 37lbs more to go!! So, if I work out 3 times a week and continue to eat relatively healthy, I should definitely see a 1 to 2 lb weight loss every week. That means by June or July I would be pretty close to my goal. WHICH IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND I CANT WAIT TO BE SKINNY AGAIN!!!

I think I finally found my balance with diet and exercise. That feeling is so liberating. Anyway, I am also excited because I want to start a business. I want to get involved in social entrepreneurship. I want to own a restaurant and have the restaurant fund a community resource center. There will be many more blogs to do with that!